“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
Loneliness can be defined as “sadness because one has no friends or company.” Not sure that that is completely correct in my case. I have LOTS of friends (a whole tribe in fact), and can be in someone’s company at the drop of a hat, or a quick text at least.
For me, the loneliness is the lack of a partner in crime, a companion (of the opposite sex, although….beggars can’t be choosers 🤷♀️😉😂), a man to share the joys and the challenges of life with, a lover. I joke about joining a “nunnery”, or that I’m a “born again virgin”…..but the fact of the matter is, I don’t want to do or be either of these things. After 5 1/2 years of being divorced, I’m shocked that I’m still single. Now I know that at least 2 of those years, I was a wee bit busy kicking cancers arse to even CONSIDER dating…….but still. FIVE fecking years 🤦♀️. I may need remedial help with this dating thing, because clearly, I SUCK at it.
Sure….maybe thats cocky of me. Who the feck am I to think that I deserve the happiness one feels when they are part of a healthy union. The other half of…..whatever that saying is. I don’t need a man to “complete” me. I’m already pretty damn complete, and in all honesty, it’s no one else’s job to make us happy or complete. That comes down to us. Ourselves. Me.
So we’ve established that I’m mostly happy and pretty damn complete….but those two don’t negate feeling lonely at times. Not always. Not everyday. Just at times. And….today is one of those times. And today, “I’m sitting with it” I’m learning my “way around it”, because it IS a part of the human experience. Along with joy. Along with happiness. And with sadness. We are not one without the other. We can’t know happiness without having experienced sadness. We can’t feel complete, without having known what loneliness felt like. I would not ever want to be shielded from the challenges that have come my way, because it is the way in which I’ve faced those, that have shaped me in to the person I am today.
A person deserving of a man who will be able to scale the walls I’ve built up around me in a single bound!! Ok….maybe not a single bound….but he WILL have to have some serious climbing skills. A man, who is complete within himself and doesn’t think that it’s MY job to make him happy. And I will promise not to make him a “scratching post” for my own unfulfilled yearnings…….not sure WHAT they are, although I have a few “nudge nudge, wink wink” yearnings that he MAY be ok with. Just saying 🤷♀️. I know…..I said that out loud didn’t I. LMArseO. 😳🤦♀️😂
So….I’ve gotten it off my chest. I’ve processed it by taking a “time out” from my social life, and writing it down. I’ve made a “map of it”. Ironically…I do better at dealing with loneliness (or any emotional challenge) ALONE. So…..don’t feel like you have to fix me my tribe (although I love you for wanting to), because there is nothing TO fix. It is what it is. And hopefully, not too far in the future, my sweetie will scale the wall, sweep me off me feet (while protecting his back and using good posture…..always the PTA in me 🤷♀️), and we will live out the rest of our days, loving each other through the good times, the bad times and the gloriously mundane times in between. Please God. Fingers crossed. Touch or knock or whatever you do on wood. 🤦♀️🤷♀️
“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.”
Here’s to getting my wings……